I need some help from all you other army wives out there… When I got told that being an army wife was one of the hardest jobs in the military, I didn’t really believe it. That is until I married my husband! I now have a new respect for all the women that have been doing this for years. I myself am a newly wed. Yep, as of October 2nd this year! But being away from him for these long periods of time is KILLING me. So can anyone make a few suggestions as to how I can start to deal with this a little bit better? I’m pretty lost. I think I’d really love an answer from anybody willing to give me ANY kind of suggestion! THANX!!!

Whether you are moving to a new country, an isolated posting, or your service member is deploying, I advise you to “grow where you are planted“.

Get involved, get busy.  Or, as Tim Gunn says, “make it work“.

Reach out to other military spouses. Find deployment support groups, try the FRG, volunteer on post.  Most posts have a community center where you will find postings for groups, classes, seminars and events.

You can also find other spouses online on military spouse community sites and bulletin boards.  And head online to meet people locally, too.  I’ve used meet-up to find kindred spirits.

Get involved in the community off post, too. Find things that interest you. Join clubs, take classes, get a job (if you don’t already have one), volunteer, go to concerts, etc.  Whatever your hobby or passion, you can find kindred spirits. Even in the smallest, most isolated post, you will find people making art, playing music, enjoying conversation, learning and living.

Consider your spiritual life.  If you are religious, this may be a good time to deepen your connection with your faith-based community.  If you are not religious, seek out other sources of positive energy for you.  This can be as simple as keeping a 10 minute “tea time” for yourself every day.

Stay away from negative people and drama that saps your energy. Focus on activities that give you strength and enjoyment.

This helps the days pass quicker and also gives you things to talk about with your spouse.  When you reunite, you will be glad that you also had new experiences that challenged you and helped you grow as a person.

At home, alone, at night, though, I find can be particularly lonely. I would use this time to write letters to my husband and put together care packages. This way I was doing something positive for him and our relationship.

I’d never say it is easy, but if you approach deployment with a positive attitude, you’ll find it goes quicker and easier!

What are your tips for making the time apart pass more quickly?

Photo credit: Seedling

While my husband was active duty, I ran one FRG long-distance (during his OCS–and we were spread out throughout the country) and was the co-leader for another (while his unit was deployed).

During the last year he has been in the National Guard. No one has contacted me about any sort of family group, although I received some general information about the National Guard family programs when DH first joined his unit. They seemed interested in volunteers, but only mentioned something about me going to a training program and that was the last I heard of it.

Now DH is about to take command. His unit is not slated to deploy as a unit during his command. I’m not sure what, if any, contact from me would be desirable for the families. A simple letter just so you know my name and contact information should you ever want to reach me? An invitation to a family day? Monthly e-mail updates about the unit’s training?

So, any insight from y’all would be much appreciated. Feel free to answer whichever questions you like and add your own thoughts:

Have you been contacted by an FRG representative?

If so, was that representative military personnel, a civilian employee, or a family volunteer?

Is your spouse deployed/deploying?

Is your spouse’s NG unit deploying as a unit?

Are there events (Holiday Parties, Picnics, etc.) hosted for families in your spouse’s unit and, if so, have you attended? Why or why not?

Would you attend family events if you were available on that date? Why or why not?

What would you like to see from an NG FRG while your spouse is stateside?

What about while your spouse is deployed?

What information would you like to receive in a letter from your spouse’s commander and/or the FRG leader?

This time, I was trying to think of something that was military related but would have a broader audience.

So, here’s the prize–a military supporter pack:

• I’ll make a $10 donation in your honor to the USO.
• I’ll send you a copy of Doonesbury.com’s The Sandbox: Dispatches from Troops in Iraq and Afghanistan
• I’ll also send you a camo “Support Our Troops” silicon bracelet

To enter, leave me a comment by 11:59 PM, Friday April 25th about how you show support for our troops–or leave a supportive message for our troops! Put your e-mail in the e-mail field and I’ll be able to reach you but it won’t be publicly visible. I’ll ship to any US, Canadian, or US Military address.

—
If you’d like to enter more contests, check out The Bloggy Giveaways Carnival, this contest post is part of that carnival!

On my personal blog, I’m giving away a copy of Deceptively Delicious.

Also, we have lots of contests on Mamanista, my baby gear review blog.

• Alter-Eco Fair Trade Foods (ends April 21)
  
• SIGG Eco-Chic Water Bottle (ends April 22)
• $50 GC to Warm Biscuit, an awesome retro/vintage children’s decor shop (ends April 25)
  
• Nursing Cover for the New Mamas from Love & Blessings (ends April 30)
• Mother’s Day Gift Guide SIGG contest for bloggers (ends May 2)

Hi, I saw your blog you posted a while ago about being an army wife. I was looking on google to find information on family day and graduation. My fiance is in Ft Benning right now at basic. When do you first get to see them? While you are sitting in the stands or before that? And then after they are dismissed on family day, how long do we get to spend with them. Also, do they get to spend the night with us, or do they have to go back that night? Then after graduation the next day, do we get to spend the day with them? Or even a couple days? I hope you can answer my questions. I would really appreciate it. Feel free to say anything else also. Thank you

Like everything else with the military, your mileage may vary (YMMV). A lot depends on the AIT your husband is attending, when it starts, and the specific command.

I would not expect any overnight passes. However, I have heard tell of some soldiers receiving 36 hour passes following graduation when their AIT was not set to begin right away. Do not count on it though, most likely he will be in transit to AIT the day after graduation.

Soldiers with visiting adult family members will get day passes (meaning they have to be back that night) following both family day and graduation–please note, however, that to the Army you do not yet qualify as a “family member.” So, a parent, grandparent, or legal guardian would have to sign your soldier out.

You may want to read my experience of family day and graduation. I describe when I first saw him and how much time we had together and where we spent our family time. Keep in mind this was about five years ago and my husband was going on to an OCS class that did not start for a while. My guess, though, is that your family day and graduation ceremony experience will be very similar.

Visit military family forums, like the forums hosted by Military.com, and you may find someone with a more recent experience to relate.

In terms of advice, I would recommend getting a hotel room for at least both nights because you’ll probably want a private place to sit and relax and your soldier may even want a short nap. Ft. Benning has good, inexpensive lodging, (Ft. Benning Lodging) but sometimes it is difficult to reserve a room. They were in the process of renovating and the rooms they had already fixed up were quite nice–one time I got a room with a sitting room and efficiency kitchen. They do keep some rooms available for “day of” walk-ins, but you’ll want to make sure you have a back-up plan.

The key is to avoid staying on Victory Drive. Victory Drive is that unsavory main road that seems to be located near almost every military post. Don’t choose a hotel on Victory Drive and you should be fine.

I found the La Quinta in Columbus, GA, to be very adequate and one of the closer, decent but inexpensive choices. There are plenty of decent options off the highway a few exits north of the central Columbus area.

There is also a very nice Marriot, that does sometimes offer military rates, right in the small, historic center of Columbus, GA, and some bed and breakfast places if you are looking for something more luxe. However, keep in mind that there is a good chance your soldier will not be able to stay overnight with you.

Your soldier will probably be most interested in you, a nap, caffeine, and a good meal. Let him take the lead about how he’d like to spend his little bit of free time.

I’ll leave you with the official word from one of the Basic Training commands at Ft. Benning (I bolded some of the text):

Family Day
The day before graduation, normally Wednesday, the battalion commander meets with friends and family members at their unit to discuss your soldier’s recent experiences and answer your questions. You will also meet the drill sergeants that trained your soldier and observe some demonstrations of soldier skills. Most importantly, you will meet with your soldier.

That afternoon graduating soldiers with visiting adult family members (spouse, parents, grandparents or legal guardians) may receive an on-post pass on Family Day and following graduation until a time determined by the chain of command. While on pass soldiers must remain in uniform and are not allowed to drive vehicles, drink any form of alcoholic beverages or use any tobacco products.

Graduation Day
Graduation is the following day, usually on Thursday at Pomeroy Field. The ceremony is at 10:00 a.m. from October through March and 09:00 a.m. from April through September. In case of inclement weather, the ceremony will take place at the Regimental Chapel and the time schedule may change to accommodate more than one ceremony.

Day After Graduation
The day after graduation soldiers will usually not be allowed to go on pass. This day is designated as a travel day for their follow on Advance Individual Training (AIT).

Class Schedule
Army Training Requirements and Resources System (ATRRS) manages class schedules.

* FY 2008
* FY 2009

Note: Graduation dates shown here are subject to change. Soldiers are afforded the opportunity to contact families with actual graduation dates/times for travel planning purposes.

To send Valentines to Veterans, you can locate a facility through the VA Home Page. This is a great project to do with kids! If you have a facility nearby, you can call and ask if you can deliver them in person.

Stars and Stripes Valentines

The deadline (late January) for printed Valentines in Stars and Stripes has passed, but you can still get in the online Valentine’s section. I sent one two years ago for the print version for DH and he loved it.

Care Packages

Here’s the care package I sent my soldier while he was deployed during Valentine’s Day. What have you sent/are sending? Share your tips!!!

Nestle has some Tips for Sending Baked Goods. Others suggest adding a slice of bread to absorb excess moisture and wrapping in tin foil. I’ve also heard that Pringles containers make for good packaging. I found a food sealer was awesome for cookies, but squished the brownies too much.

Agencies and Organizations

Soldier’s Angels and Any Soldier can match you with a soldier. Businesses, groups, and schools may want to consider Adopting a Platoon.

USO Operation Care Package enables you to make a donation–they pack and ship for you and you can still send a personal message with your package.

Please add some other ways to show our troops some Valentine’s love that we can either do this year or put on our calendar for next year!

Uppercasing ‘Families’ highlights support – Apr 24, 2007 – BY IMCOM-Europe Public Affairs

“The acting secretary of the Army and the chief of staff of the Army have emphasized that Army Families are a key component of our readiness,” noted Lieutenant General James L. Campbell in a recent message.

Army Families “shoulder a great burden of sacrifice, supporting their Soldier and often enduring long periods of separation from their loved ones,” Campbell said, adding that top-notch care and support of Army Families demonstrate “our sincere appreciation and gratitude for their many contributions.”

Therefore, Campbell directed that the word Families now be capitalized.

For the Army in Europe, this rule applies to all documents in various medium, not just correspondence, said Dwayne Viergutz, chief of Installation Management Command-Europe, document management branch. Examples include: briefing slides, executive summaries, forms, information papers, publications and Web sites.

The support bulletin board I visit is (rightfully so) laughing at this latest “PR” move. Let’s increase the length and number of deployments–but we’ll capitalize “Families,” so it is all good.

Seriously, do they even think before they put this out? Or are they trying to be funny? Really, with a few more sentences, this could be on The Onion (a satire weekly with fake “news”).

You need to reevaluate the Family Readiness Groups.

Ultimately, when you rely purely on volunteers, you are going to get uneven results–which is disheartening and unfair to those who not getting the good results.

True, spouses are theoretically adults (although we have a few show up who are 16-19). Still, supporting the spouse supports the mission AND improves retention rates. You want that guy to re-up? Convince his wife first.

This is no longer the 1950s. Not all commanding officers are married. Those who are often have wives who do not have the time or interest to run an FRG. Not to mention some commanders are now women–and, sorry but its true, male spouses just do not get as involved with the FRG.

Technically, the FRG is the commander’s responsibility. He is supposed to select someone to run the group. Assuming he is unmarried or his wife is not available/interested, though, who does he ask?

Obviously the 1st Sgt’s wife, since he is your right hand man and he can update his wife on all of the necessary information from the Company side.

What if she is not available? Hit up the Lieutenant’s and Platoon Sergeant’s Spouses.

Okay, they aren’t available either (or do not exist…most of the Lt’s in our Battalion are fresh out of college).

So, what, you ask? After all, your husband’s rank has nothing to do with you, right? Right. Except that the key information (especially during deployment) comes from the officers/senior NCOs and you get a lot better information out of someone if you are married to that person.

Also, the volunteers are doing this for the spouses and the warm fuzzy of helping people…but ultimately the FRG is the commander’s responsibility. If the FRG leader is not your wife or the wife of a good friend, well…it is harder to expect her to be accountable to you or even care if you look good or not.

So, now what?

Now you are put in a position where you need to locate a spouse who is (A) available; (B) mature; and (C) actually wants to do this (as opposed to is intimidated because of your status as his or her spouse’s commander).

In case you haven’t noticed, rare is the talented, educated go-getter today who does not have interests and obligations outside of his or her spouse’s career. Such creatures exist, but you have to be lucky to find one in a random handful of people.

Not to mention, assuming you find a person who fits the bill, you will have a big responsibility to make sure the lines of communication are open. I cannot even count the times I’ve heard someone complain that their FRG has not contacted them. Well, it is hard for the FRG to contact the spouses if we are not given the spouses’ contact information. Our FRG had to spy, bribe, and cajole to get that info. This is ridiculous. That information should automatically be updated for the FRG leader when new soldiers inprocess…

Okay, so you’ve located the right person for the job. You e-mail that person every week. This can work.

Except that person is now commiting a MINIMUM of 20 hours a month if you have good volunteers. BARE MINIMUM. Most FRG leaders probably spend about 40-50 hours a month, even with a co-leader helping out.

Now, let’s think about other volunteer organizations. Other volunteer organizations (United Way, Habitat for Humanity, etc.) have a PAID STAFF that uses volunteers for specific tasks.

So, the military tested a program this year (at least at this post) with a paid assistant for every Brigade–a civilian. Unfortunately, they did not provide a list of what she could and could not do for us…despite our repeated requests. No doubt future funding will not be approved because the program was “under utilized.”

So, here’s what you need to do, if you are listening:

1. Assign a member of Rear D (not the commander, but preferably a junior officer or senior NCO) to be in charge of the FRG at the Battalion level. This soldier will be accountable to the commander and organize monthly meetings, publish and mail a monthly newsletter, manage the FRG account, and coordinate the volunteer efforts–volunteers can host socials, bring food to meetings, make carepackages, plan kids activities, write articles for the newsletter, fundraise, etc.

2. If a soldier submits paperwork in regards to having a spouse, that information needs to be automatically communicated to the FRG Battalion Liason. That person will make initial contact with each spouse. If that spouse would like FRG contact, that spouse’s contact information will then be passed on to the spouses’ group.

There. Problem Solved. Next!!!

Of course, hardly anyone in our Battalion showed up–just a handful of others who, like me, already have volunteer of the month and/or year awards from the Division, and just came to honor the others.

At least the ceremony was brief and I got a different pin this time. They gave us a heart pin…to add to the Battalion, Brigade, and Division pins. I need to get a gold-toned charm necklace so I can wear them all without feeling like a soldier (with my resume pinned to my chest).