Money is tight everywhere and people are struggling to ensure their kids have opportunities and the families of our soldiers are no exception. Most of our National Guard serves part time until activated for deployment. These soldiers work full time jobs besides their one weekend a month, two weeks a year training obligations. However, like too many other Americans, some of these soldiers have lost their full-time jobs in the latest economic downturn.

There are laws to protect our servicemembers but it is possible that the frequent deployments and training commitments have made some of these soldiers first on the list to go at their workplaces.

Most families do not want their soldier to spend time away from the family but for some, active duty becomes the most economically safe option. Just imagine looking forward to a deployment just so your family has a steady paycheck!

There are a number of agencies and volunteer groups that try to fill in the gaps of the needs of our servicemembers and their families. For example, Operation Homefront’s Backpack Brigade supplies backpacks full of supplies to eligible military families every year.

Elmer’s selected me as a paid Bag It Forward ambassador and gave me a $100 gift card to Walmart to purchase school supplies for my daughter and for a family in need. I was thrilled to be able to donate the full amount to the back-to-school supply drive for the enlisted soldiers’ families in my husband’s National Guard unit. Some of the members of my local moms’ group chipped in with more backpacks and supplies, too.

After the video, find out about how you can Bag It Forward and earn a $10 donation for Adopt-A-Classroom. Elmer’s will donate up to $10,000 to Adopt-A-Classroom to aid their mission to increase opportunity for student success by empowering teachers with community partners and funds to purchase resources for the classroom. You can help end teacher-funded classrooms with just a blog post or facebook note!

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Elmer’s will donate up to $10,000 to Adopt-A-Classroom with your participation. Join now!

ELMER’S VIRTUAL BAG IT FORWARD RULES

• Copy and paste these rules into your blog post or facebook “note” (look on yourr left sidebar).
• In you blog post or facebook note, give a “virtual bag of school supplies” to other bloggers or facebook friends by linking to them or “tagging” them in your note.
• Link back to the person who gave you a bag of school supplies.
• Let each person you are giving a virtual bag of school supplies know you have given them a bag.
• Leave your link in the Elmer’s Virtual Bag It Forward comment section. You can also find the official rules of this virtual #bagitforward program there. (http://bagitforward.org/donate-a-bag/)
• Elmer’s is donating $10 for each blog participating in the Virtual Bag It Forward Donation to Adopt-A-Classroom (up to total of $10,000 for blog posts written by September 10, 2010).
• Please note that only one blog post per blog url will count towards the donation.

She was born while her Daddy was deployed to Iraq– while he was on his way to Baghdad Airport to come home on leave. He missed her birth and only had two weeks with her before he had to return for the final months of his tour.

He came back, though, and is a loving father to her and her little baby brother (who decided to add something in at the end of the video).

Hope you like my patriotic girl!

I’m sure you will forgive me once you hear about the drill gremlins, kissing cousins of the deployment gremlins.

Last time it was the thousands of wasps in my dining room.

The first minor catastrophe was my computer screen breaking.  I had a little bit of drama getting that fixed but the main upshot is that getting my work done, let alone blogging, became a bit more complicated.

The far more interesting, and more difficult, incident was when the six year old son of a friend fell off a play structure directly onto my 20 month old baby.

He’s fine.  Breathe.

He was a little upset when it happened but being the mellow little dude he is, he quickly calmed down but indicated that his “kneeeee” hurt.  Instead of taking him to urgent care, I hung out a while longer at the play date, buckled the kids into the car, checked Military Review on my blackberry to see if my husband’s latest article had published (yes!), called the hubby who was on his way to drill to let him know and did not mention the accident (you know you are a military spouse when…), and then took the kids home.

The next day, my baby still wasn’t walking but was pulling himself up. So–and here’s where I win the mother of the year award–NOT! –I took him and his sister to swim lessons.  He proceeded to splash around quite happily.

On the way back, I swung by the doctor’s office because it was Friday and I figured that if it got worse over the weekend, I would have to go to the emergency room.  She concured it was probably just a sprain but, hey, just for laughs, let’s send you over to radiology to make sure it is nothing worse.

To cut a long story less long…eight hours and three co-pays later my darling is wearing a cast for the next three weeks while he heals his “toddler fracture”.

Don’t worry–he’s giggling and running around on the thing like a little peg-legged pirate, trying to earn a matching one on the other leg.

Since my baby left me,
To head upstate to drill,
I’ve found that I have
just about about had my fill…

We’ve looked at military family life from the active duty and National Guard perspectives.  And there are definitely pros and cons to each.  On Active Duty, my husband had one job–Army officer.  Now he has at least two, serving as an Assistant District Attorney by “day” and a National Guard Field Artillery Commander by night (or at least one weekend a month, two weeks a year).  My concentration is similarly divided as I am a full time stay-at-home mom who also squeezes in part-time work as an Educational Consultant and Writer somewhere around the margins.  This creates a sort of frenetic activity and tight scheduling around our household that seems more suited to a war room.

On Active Duty, our medical co-pays were next to nil because we lived near a post with a military treatment facility. Now, taking two kids to a check-up practically requires a credit-check.  And I hear that our county health care plan is one of the “Cadillac” plans.  Because, you know, county employees and their families…we be rollin’ in the Benjamins.

Of course, we have a lot more predictability to my husband’s temporary absences.  Generally we have a head’s up before field exercises and there is some understanding that my husband has a life outside of the military.

In terms of family support, I have been blessed with good FRGs on both sides–but a “good” FRG in the National Guard still means we really only see other family members twice a year.

And even though the military exerted more influence over our lives on Active Duty, it was at least a constant influence.  With the National Guard, just as we get settled into a routine, off my husband goes again…answering the call of duty.

And when it comes down to it, that’s the type of man I married, and the one who is a caring husband and involved father.

Overall, we love being a military family and are very proud of our soldier–on active duty and in the National Guard–and wouldn’t have it any other way.

How about you? What has been your experience with the demands and benefits of being part of a military family?

What topics do you write about on your blog?

I’m a mish mash of teaching, travel, politics, pouting, military life, and my never ending love for Texas. If it happens in my life, it goes on the blog! I try to keep it “real” rather than branded. While I have much respect for the niche blogs, I view my blog as a diary rather than a website. So, when you come, expect the unexpected!

Share a favorite post of yours:

I think this post, Life as a Military Wife, really speaks to how different our lives really are. Sometimes it’s hard for others to understand our feelings, our acronyms, and our general way of life, so this post gives a glimpse into just how different it is.

Tell us a little bit about your military spouse journey.

I am married to an Air Force officer, and have been for almost 4 years. He has been active duty for almost 3 years. We are currently stationed overseas and waiting for our next assignment, which will most likely be overseas as well. Luckily, we have only had long TDYs and no deployments. However, we are expecting a deployment in the near future, but hopefully we can get by with a 6 month!

What are the best parts of being a military spouse?

For me, the best part has been the opportunity to see the world. In the last 3 years we have been able to visit 20 countries, a feat I never thought would have been possible. The Air Force has opened up the world to us, and has given us so many opportunities to see new places. With these experiences, and the diverse nature of the military, I feel like I have been able to broaden my horizons significantly.

To what extent have blogging and social networking affected the military spouse experience?

The mil-spouse blog community has been a great support system throughout this journey. I have met new people and gained some real life friends along the way. It has been a blessing to have friends around the world that have been through it all already, and can offer great advice. Honestly, I feel like the mil-spouse blogging community has enabled me to feel prepared for a possible deployment. I have seen so many make it through the process, that I know I can do it as well. I know that no matter where I might be stationed, I am still connected to other people who understand!

If someone you care about was about to marry a military servicemember, what one piece of advice would you give?

Be flexible! We have no control over assignments, duty hours, deployments, or just about anything else! The title of “dependent” may not be politically correct, but it is certainly accurate. You have to be able to put yourself aside and learn to go with the flow of your husband’s career. Can you still have a career? Sure! Can you still have input? Sure! However, the life of a military spouse is anything but typical. The more flexible and patient you are, the more successful you will be!

I wrote a post of advice just for those moving overseas which can be very helpful.

Hi Molly,

My husband hasn’t signed any papers yet but will be enlisting in the Army very soon. I am trying to be the supportive wife because I know this is something he’s always wanted to do, but I am scared for him and myself. Here is the problem: I am not going to be following him to wherever he gets stationed. I would love to be able to lean on the sisterhood of army wives for support and follow him because that would make it soooo much easier, but my career is in a great place and I don’t want to leave my other family members. He is okay with this and says we can make it work. I know we can make it work but I am worried about being alone all the time, especially because we just moved to a new area 2 hours away from our hometowns where our families are and we don’t have too many friends in our new city. So when he goes away, my family will be a 2 hr drive away plus I don’t have many friends nearby to lean on either. Is it common for the wives not to follow their husbands? What advice do you have for us? Thanks so much!! I really need it because neither of us comes from anything close to military families so they don’t know what to tell us.

Thanks!

Dear Reader,

This is a very tough response to write, because I really want to tell you and your husband that you can have everything.

And maybe, possibly, you can and this could work.

You sound from your letter as if you are a very grounded and rational person and from what little I have heard from you, it seems as if you and your husband have very open and honest communication and a solid foundation in your marriage.

But I also have to be honest and tell you that you are in for an uphill battle if he plans a full military career and you plan to stay put at your address indefinitely.

Now, if he only wants to “do his duty” and serve for two years, then it may make sense for you to stay where you are if you are happy in your career.  He will be training for several months and then may be deployed for a year.  In which case, there is no sense in uprooting your household and disrupting your life for the sake of a little more than half a year of cohabitation.

However, if he plans to stay in the military, I urge you to move at some point to join him.

I know some married couples (outside of the military) who lived in separate cities for a year or two–but this was a temporary solution and both couples made well over six figures, giving them the ability to fly back and forth several times a month.  This sort of weekend commuting does not seem like a possibility for you and your husband.

In my personal, anecdotal experience, the vast majority of spouses move with the servicemember eventually.  They may temporarily stay where they are to finish up classes as a teacher or student but they have plans to move in the near future.

There are also dual military families that find themselves stationed apart or with deployments that do not overlap.  Maybe some of these families could chime in and let us know about how they make it work.

During World War II, servicemembers sometimes deployed for several years.  However, there was a larger base of patriotic community support for the spouses who kept those homefires burning and the partners persevered because there was no other choice but to stay the course during the deployment.

If he is garrisoned stateside and you are hundreds or thousands of miles away, that will have a very different feeling because you are separated by choice, rather than by deployment.

You also bring up the issue of the “sisterhood” of military spouses and your lack of a support system at your current location.

During the year my husband was training, I remained at my job as a classroom teacher.  I was living about a half an hour from my parents and about the same distance from New York City, where many of my friends lived.  For support from other military spouses, I turned to a military spouse discussion board.

There are definitely ways to find support, especially with today’s technology, away from post. You may want to check out this post (and the comments) about staying near post or moving back home during a deployment, which touches on some of these issues.

Sit down with your husband, draw up a list of pros and cons and consider your personal and career goals and ask him about his own. Consider your own personal relationship styles.  Do you need to be geographically and physically close to the person you love?  Or does conducting a relationship mostly via e-mail and telephone sound romantic to you?  Do the two of you do most things together or do you already keep your lives fairly separate?

If you do decide to stay where you live, the military spouse community will be able to provide lots of advice and support on keeping long distance relationships going.

Personally, it would be very hard for me to be voluntarily separated from my husband for any substantial length of time but perhaps you and your husband would be able to happily make this work.

And I may be totally off-base here.  If so, I’m sure my other readers will be the voice of reason in the comments section!

Please keep us updated on what you decide and best of luck to you both!

“Ask Molly” represents only my opinion and the comments of readers represent their opinions. I draw upon my training as a Family Readiness Group leader, my own experience and that of those I know, and any research I found on the Internet. I am not a trained counselor.

Photo Credit: Take Off by realSMILEY

Lorrie Nichols, who blogs at The Journal of an Army Wife, answered our questions about her life as an Army Wife.

What topics do you write about on your blog?

I generally write about what is going on in life at the moment.  A big part of that is the journey my husband and I are on while he is getting his commission.

Share a favorite post of yours:

Just a Small Setback, I wrote it today after I got the news my husband is coming home from OCS early.  This is just a small setback for us, a bump in the road, but not the end of the road for our journey.

Tell us a little bit about your military spouse journey.

Mike is in the Army National Guard.  He hasn’t been deployed, yet.  He served in the Air Guard for six years, then spent several years as a civilian, and joined the Army Guard last October.  We have been married for 2 1/2 years, but I have only been a military spouse for about 4 months.

What are the challenges of being a military spouse?

Military time doesn’t necessarily coincide with real world time.  It seems we hurry up to get things done, then spend a lot of time waiting.  I don’t always feel like I know what is going on, and when I do, it seems to change.

What are the best parts of being a military spouse?

The pride I feel in my husband and my country.  The people my husband serves with seem like family.

To what extent have blogging and social networking affected the military spouse experience?

It allows you to communicate with people that are going through similar experiences.  I feel so much less lonely.  These are also a way to have some questions answered by people who have lived what you are going through.

If someone you care about was about to marry a military servicemember, what one piece of advice would you give?

Be patient.  The military certainly won’t do things like you would like them to, but it does get done in the end.  Get to know, love, and trust the people that your spouse is with, they are your biggest support and resource.

Thank you, Lorrie!  Please check out Lorrie’s blog where she shares her life as a military spouse, including her husband’s path to getting his commission.  Want to see your interview here, just drop me an e-mail: candace [at] armywiveslives [dot] com!

When it was time to ETS, there was not much of a market.  Base reorganization and frequent deployments meant that people were more interested in renting than in buying.  Since then, the housing market has completely tanked, making selling even more difficult.

Renting out a house in a military area is also complicated given the frequency of military moves and deployments.

Up until recently, we had a renter in the house, which covered the mortgage, plus the management fees.  Now, however, the house is vacant and we are carrying the mortgage on this property until the management company finds new occupants.

How many other military families are in similar positions?  And how is this affecting your budget?

Photo Credit: Row Houses

I need some help from all you other army wives out there… When I got told that being an army wife was one of the hardest jobs in the military, I didn’t really believe it. That is until I married my husband! I now have a new respect for all the women that have been doing this for years. I myself am a newly wed. Yep, as of October 2nd this year! But being away from him for these long periods of time is KILLING me. So can anyone make a few suggestions as to how I can start to deal with this a little bit better? I’m pretty lost. I think I’d really love an answer from anybody willing to give me ANY kind of suggestion! THANX!!!

Whether you are moving to a new country, an isolated posting, or your service member is deploying, I advise you to “grow where you are planted“.

Get involved, get busy.  Or, as Tim Gunn says, “make it work“.

Reach out to other military spouses. Find deployment support groups, try the FRG, volunteer on post.  Most posts have a community center where you will find postings for groups, classes, seminars and events.

You can also find other spouses online on military spouse community sites and bulletin boards.  And head online to meet people locally, too.  I’ve used meet-up to find kindred spirits.

Get involved in the community off post, too. Find things that interest you. Join clubs, take classes, get a job (if you don’t already have one), volunteer, go to concerts, etc.  Whatever your hobby or passion, you can find kindred spirits. Even in the smallest, most isolated post, you will find people making art, playing music, enjoying conversation, learning and living.

Consider your spiritual life.  If you are religious, this may be a good time to deepen your connection with your faith-based community.  If you are not religious, seek out other sources of positive energy for you.  This can be as simple as keeping a 10 minute “tea time” for yourself every day.

Stay away from negative people and drama that saps your energy. Focus on activities that give you strength and enjoyment.

This helps the days pass quicker and also gives you things to talk about with your spouse.  When you reunite, you will be glad that you also had new experiences that challenged you and helped you grow as a person.

At home, alone, at night, though, I find can be particularly lonely. I would use this time to write letters to my husband and put together care packages. This way I was doing something positive for him and our relationship.

I’d never say it is easy, but if you approach deployment with a positive attitude, you’ll find it goes quicker and easier!

What are your tips for making the time apart pass more quickly?

Photo credit: Seedling

Hey Molly my husband is looking into a career In the army, I don’t like the idea because he will never be home and could always be deployed and could die. I am 19 he is 26 years old and we have a 5 month old daughter I didn’t not sign up to be a military wife I don’t like the idea of moving every other year and not being able to see him everyday and then spending long time periods away from him I guess my question is what is being a military spouse really like. He will be entering as a E3 but I don’t want to hear the lie from the recruiter I want to ask some one who is there.

Dear reader,

Thank you for writing. Although you are already married, you may want to check out my post, “Should I Marry a Soldier?” I cover some of the questions you ask here but the long and the short of it is that no one can really give you the answers you are seeking.

Your family’s experience in the military will vary depending on your husband’s MOS (his specialty), the post, the unit, and even down to his Commanding Officer and NCOs. And it will also depend on both of you.

As someone who has been there I will not downplay the challenges of military life. At the same time, it can be a wonderful lifestyle for those who are able to “bloom where they are planted.” One of the lessons I have learned in life is that happy people are generally happy wherever they are and miserable people are miserable wherever they go. That said, military life can be intense and can bring out the strengths and weaknesses in people and in relationships.

What I will say is that no one is never home or deployed all of the time. And it seems as if the “operational tempo” may slow in the near future. God willing.

And very few people’s lives happen exactly as they plan. A lot of families find themselves moving frequently.

While the risk of being killed in combat is very real, it is statistically not great. It is the possibility, and the constant threat of this danger, that can be very difficult for both the soldier and his family.

Your question is really a marital issue than a military one. You had a picture of your future for you and your family and you married a man who you believed shared that plan. Now, he has brought something new and you do not like the idea. How you deal with this challenge will shape your future regardless of the decision made.

I am not a marriage counselor but here are my suggestions:

1. Do some research into his proposed MOS. Are there limited posts where he might be stationed?

2. Read up. Go to your library and take out some non-fiction books for new military spouses. You’ll find an honest but upbeat take on what to expect in general. Keep in mind that your mileage will vary.

3. Have him do the same. He needs to come to you with an honest assessment of why he would like to enlist, what he hopes to accomplish in the military, and how this will shape the family’s future. Has he always dreamed of being a soldier? Does he believe it is his duty to serve? Perhaps he sees the military as his best hope for career advancement? Or maybe he wants to provide for his family with the job security and benefits of the military?

4. Make a decision together. This is very difficult because you do not want him to resent you for telling him not to enlist. At the same time, it will be a very unpleasant career and possibly unsuccessful marriage if you are not at least a willing partner in this decision. Just like any other major decision in a marriage, you both need to reach some sort of agreement, even if one person will have to make more sacrifices than the other.

If you cannot do this on your own, you may wish to speak with a clergyman if you are at all religious or perhaps go to a couples’ counselor who can help you talk through these issues in a non-confrontational way.

Whether or not he joins the military, this will hopefully help you understand each other and your marriage better and you’ll come through it stronger.

Best of luck and please update us!