What topics do you write about on your blog?

I write about everything from my journey through deployment to PCS, AIT, and I also do many Vlog tutorials as well as Vlog diaries. Readers also get to enter some great giveaways and learn about new military discounts.

Share a favorite post of yours.

That Little Thing Called OPSEC….I did a video vlog about the importance of that thing many spouses seem to forget about called OPSEC. It was my birthday when I did the video so I felt I made something that can be kind of blah more fun.

Tell us a little bit about your military spouse journey.

My husband is a former Marine (although he will quickly tell you their is no such thing as as a former Marine hehe. He is currently as you can tell serving in the US Army and on his 2nd deployment in the Army 3rd in total. My husband has been in 12 years and I have been a military spouse for 5 years.

What are the challenges of being a military spouse?

If you let them deployments will break you. Having to be totally independent can be a challenge if your not used to doing certain things. Many things can be a challenge if you don’t attempt to make the best of them.

What are the best parts of being a military spouse?

My husband and I are culture nuts. We love experiencing everything food, art, architecture, but the reality is we wouldn’t always be able to afford those things if it were not for the Army giving us the opportunity to travel. I would have to say the ability to live places I normally wouldn’t and the chance to broaden my horizons and make new friends are awesome parts of the military life.

What is the most interesting, unusual, or funny thing that has happened to you as a result of being a military spouse?

I would have to say that I am an extremely shy person and since living this life I have opened up tremendously. I have become a go to person for wives arriving at duty stations I have lived at and I absolutely proud of myself being able to open up to that extent.

To what extent have blogging and social networking affected the military spouse experience?

I have received numerous emails from former spouses and veteran spouses who say that they wish the wealth of information they see on the net was available to them when they were new to the Army life, because it would have made navigating the waters easier. I also think the power of networking sites has made it easier to make friends before you even arrive at a new duty station. I can speak first hand on what a great feeling it was , to move all the way here to Hawaii and have a few friends already waiting for me.

If someone you care about was about to marry a military servicemember, what one piece of advice would you give?

Be patient and supportive. Know that your spouse loves you but that unfortunately in the Army world you come 2nd but in your spouses heart you come first. I tell all spouses always be ready for anything in the Army life.

So, did you watch the Army Wives Finale??? What did you think? Write a post and you can link it up here…

Now, a quick charity plug:

If you are looking to do some Bloganthropy, I’d like to suggest a meme to you: Elmer’s Bag It Forward campaign. I’m a paid Elmer’s Bag It Forward Ambassador and used a gift card they gave me to shop for back-to-school supplies for the kids in my husband’s National Guard Unit.

You can Bag It Forward virtually, too! All you have to do is:

1. Copy and paste the rules found at Bag It Forward (http://bagitforward.org/donate-a-bag/) to a blog post or facebook note (you can add your own thoughts, too)
2. Tag a few friends
3. Leave the URL of your post or note in the comments at the Bag It Forward site.

Elmer’s will donate $10 for each post or note to Adopt-A-Classroom…up to $10,000!

Now, on with the carnival!

*** The only Military Mondays Blog Carnival rules are: ***

• In the “Link Title” field, please place the title of your post, plus the name of your blog and/or your name. (e.g. “Grow Where You Are Planted @Army Wives’ Lives”)
• In the “URL” field, please place the direct “permalink” to the specific post, not to your main page of your blog. (e.g. “http://armywiveslives.com/2009/10/coping-during-deployment/” not “http://ArmyWivesLives.com”)
• Your post must be relevant to the military family experience. I also retain the right to delete links to any posts that contain hate speech, plans to commit illegal acts, or anything that violates the spirit of this carnival or U.S. law.

Please make this a post from sometime in the last month or so.

Need a reminder that the carnival is up? Subscribe to Army Wives Lives by Email and you will get a digest of posts, no more than once a day (probably more like 1-3 times a week) when I post.

Want MORE Army Wives’ Lives? Fan the facebook page!

Want to share more of the FABULOUSNESS that is you? I accept guest posts and post interviews!

Want to share the carnival? Please feel free to grab the code for the button if you are interested:

<a href="http://armywiveslives.com/category/military-mondays-carnival/" target="_BLANK"><img src="http://armywiveslives.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/military-mondays-300x238.jpg" alt="Military Mondays Family and Spouse Carnival at Army Wives' Lives" border=0 /></a>

Without further ado, let’s get to the posts–I hope you’ll participate and visit these wonderful Military Family Bloggers–and feel free to check out previous editions for more great Military Family Posts!

The Season 4 Finale of Lifetime’s Army Wives will air on Sunday, August 22, 2010, at 10:00pm ET/PT.  Lifetime kindly sent me a screener and fans of the show are not going to want to miss this season finale.

This is a NO SPOILER post and I request that you keep the comments spoiler-free as well.  I’ll put up another post on August 22 where everyone can add their thoughts and also another on August 23 where I will give my synopsis of the finale!

From the website:

In the episode entitled “Forward March,” while Emmalin (Katelyn Pippy) prepares to graduate from high school, Claudia Joy (Kim Delaney) receives potentially devastating news. Pamela (Brigid Brannagh) gets an unexpected phone call which leads her to question her future and Denise (Catherine Bell) experiences a life changing event.

We are at an interesting point in our military cultural history.  People are very curious about military families because of the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan but there are many people who do not personally know anyone currently serving.  Army Wives satisfies a societal need to be part in some way of the sacrifice of our troops while also giving us military spouses some validation that are stories are heard.

The fact that it is a nighttime drama (read: soap opera) does not change the reality of the emotions.

When I was a classroom teacher, Boston Public was popular.  People would ask, “teaching isn’t really like that, is it?”  And as with Army Wives, the answer is, “well, it is and it isn’t.”  Most of the things that happen in the show happen at some point to someone, somewhere.  The conflation of the stories–the idea that all of these crazy things happen to the same small group of people on one post, all in the same year–is what makes it exciting viewing.

Let’s be honest, a show about my real life as a military spouse probably would have generated about 15 minutes of good television.  Plus there is no way I would look that glamorous, even while crying.

But the tension, the worry, the joys…those are all 100% real.

And this finale has it all. Although I might quibble with some of the details of official processes, the depiction of the emotional geography of military family crises is spot-on.

There’s the quick spread of any news or rumor, the just being there for one another, the mistake of trying to tell someone how to feel about their own crisis, the urge to keep going with routine, the expectations placed on military spouses (or the ones we believe are placed on us). the need to be strong for others, and navigating the complicated relationships between different levels of tragedy and individuals’ reactions.

What “got me” the most about this episode was that tense feeling of waiting.  It is that feeling you live with every day when your spouse is deployed–especially the days when you know they are out “under the wire”.  Casualty notification (which includes severe injuries as well) only occurs during a specific daytime window.  So, there’s that tense feeling of dread every night after the window ends until the morning when you wake (assuming you could sleep).  You just pray you are woken by your alarm clock and not a knock on the door.

And the other big emotional moment for me centers around missing your soldier during the big moments in your children’s lives and the possibility they may miss them all.  Even just typing that I am crying again.  It is easier to be strong when it is just you–but explaining absence, loss and danger to your children just does not seem fair sometimes.

The finale delivers big on an emotional resolution to all that tension–but I can’t tell you whether there were tears of joy or sadness in my eyes because that would be a huge spoiler.

I did smile a lot at memories of my active-duty Army wife friendships.  There’s definitely a warm feeling seeing military spouses come together to support one another.  It is a camaraderie tinged with the knowledge that your friend’s tragedy could just as easily be yours.

There is also an “on-trend” nod to some ideas you may be familiar with if you follow PTSD-treatment therapies in the news.

That’s about all I can say without ruining the surprises in store…you will just have to watch!

What are you expecting or hoping to see in the finale? What questions do you have?

REMINDER: Please keep discussion on this post spoiler-free even after the episode airs!

Money is tight everywhere and people are struggling to ensure their kids have opportunities and the families of our soldiers are no exception. Most of our National Guard serves part time until activated for deployment. These soldiers work full time jobs besides their one weekend a month, two weeks a year training obligations. However, like too many other Americans, some of these soldiers have lost their full-time jobs in the latest economic downturn.

There are laws to protect our servicemembers but it is possible that the frequent deployments and training commitments have made some of these soldiers first on the list to go at their workplaces.

Most families do not want their soldier to spend time away from the family but for some, active duty becomes the most economically safe option. Just imagine looking forward to a deployment just so your family has a steady paycheck!

There are a number of agencies and volunteer groups that try to fill in the gaps of the needs of our servicemembers and their families. For example, Operation Homefront’s Backpack Brigade supplies backpacks full of supplies to eligible military families every year.

Elmer’s selected me as a paid Bag It Forward ambassador and gave me a $100 gift card to Walmart to purchase school supplies for my daughter and for a family in need. I was thrilled to be able to donate the full amount to the back-to-school supply drive for the enlisted soldiers’ families in my husband’s National Guard unit. Some of the members of my local moms’ group chipped in with more backpacks and supplies, too.

After the video, find out about how you can Bag It Forward and earn a $10 donation for Adopt-A-Classroom. Elmer’s will donate up to $10,000 to Adopt-A-Classroom to aid their mission to increase opportunity for student success by empowering teachers with community partners and funds to purchase resources for the classroom. You can help end teacher-funded classrooms with just a blog post or facebook note!

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Elmer’s will donate up to $10,000 to Adopt-A-Classroom with your participation. Join now!

ELMER’S VIRTUAL BAG IT FORWARD RULES

• Copy and paste these rules into your blog post or facebook “note” (look on yourr left sidebar).
• In you blog post or facebook note, give a “virtual bag of school supplies” to other bloggers or facebook friends by linking to them or “tagging” them in your note.
• Link back to the person who gave you a bag of school supplies.
• Let each person you are giving a virtual bag of school supplies know you have given them a bag.
• Leave your link in the Elmer’s Virtual Bag It Forward comment section. You can also find the official rules of this virtual #bagitforward program there. (http://bagitforward.org/donate-a-bag/)
• Elmer’s is donating $10 for each blog participating in the Virtual Bag It Forward Donation to Adopt-A-Classroom (up to total of $10,000 for blog posts written by September 10, 2010).
• Please note that only one blog post per blog url will count towards the donation.

My toddler son is thrilled to have his own uniform from Aeromax for when he tackles the obstacle course in our backyard.

The Aeromax Jr. Camouflage Suit ($39.95 to $44.95) is a one-piece jumpsuit with matching patrol cap and a webbed belt. Although the jumpsuit is different from what my husband wears, it looks great and is more comfortable for an active child–there is no waistband to dig into his tummy and his pants won’t fall down as he plays soldier.

I love that they changed their camouflage design to match the military’s current use of the digitized Universal Camouflage Pattern. The details are great, down to the removable name tags and rank.

My husband admiringly noted that the fabric is “summer weight” so I can slip it over our son’s clothing and he still stays cool and comfortable. And the feel of the cloth is very soft. This is more than just your average Halloween costume or dress up clothing–this is a high quality garment that will hold up to hours of play with multiple kids. Any Aeromax dress-up item can be handed down from child to child.

To be honest–this brings up mixed emotions for me.  I am proud of my husband’s sense of honor and duty and his desire to serve his country.  At the same time, the thought of my little baby–who will always be my little baby–going off to war makes me tear up a little.  Of course, this is all at least sixteen years in the future and I will support my little man no matter what career path he chooses.

For now, he’s just a two year old, dressing up like his daddy.  He is proud to wear this uniform–now if I can just convince my daughter that she isn’t a drill sergeant!

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WANT IT: The Aeromax Jr. Camouflage Suit starts at 18 months and fits kids in 5 sizes: 2/3, 4/6, 6/8, 8/10 and 12/14 and is machine washable.

Disclosure: Aeromax sent me the Jr. Camouflage Suit for review. All of my opinions are my own.

Commander’s wife banned from brigade [EXCERPTS...Click Title for Full Article]

…The confrontation between Leslie Drinkwine and Jenio was emblematic of an environment within the 4th Brigade, particularly its family readiness group, that was so toxic that it triggered an investigation by a three-star general.

Leslie Drinkwine’s influence was “negative, divisive and harmful,” several FRG advisers told investigators.

What’s more, the investigation concluded that the 4th BCT’s commander, Col. Drinkwine — who told battalion commanders “my wife speaks for me” — was his wife’s “key enabler.” Col. Drinkwine not only failed to dispel the perception that his wife “held a level of authority that resembled command authority,” he worsened it, the investigation concluded.

The findings — accompanied by more than two dozen sworn statements many of which describe Leslie Drinkwine’s allegedly abusive manner and widespread use of her husband’s rank to harass and bully the brigade’s officers and their wives — led 18th Airborne Corps Commander Lt. Gen. Frank Helmick to ban Leslie Drinkwine from any and all contact with the FRG and the rest of the brigade.

In his sworn statement, Col. Drinkwine denies any wrongdoing by himself or his wife and attributes the FRG’s dysfunction to “the inability of a few ladies to work professionally with one another.” Leslie Drinkwine strongly denies her influence could affect careers and says that she “felt humiliated, her reputation defamed and slandered” by an earlier decision to remove her as FRG adviser.

Both Col. and Leslie Drinkwine declined to be interviewed for this story. [...]

Now, I do not know any of the people involved. The letters section of the most recent Army Times includes several letters or online postings from people who claim to have known Mrs. Drinkwine and vouch for her as an ethical and concerned FRG leader. Without having been there, I can’t say whether or not the allegations are true. If they are, certainly the actions were completely inappropriate.

Without making any judgments in this particular situation, I wanted to give my community a chance to discuss some of the issues raised.

I have never heard a spouse threaten another spouse’s soldier’s career.  However, I have heard from some spouses that they feel that their participation (or lack there of) as an FRG volunteer could affect their soldier’s career negatively.

There is also the issue of officers’ wives pulling rank.  The only case I ever personally came across was when one of our key callers was screamed at by an NCO’s wife because, as the wife of “just a specialist” she had “no business” calling an NCO’s wife to share information.  Again, however, I have heard plenty of second and third hand stories about officer’s wives who seem to think they have command authority.

I’ve also witnessed a conflict of personality between FRG leaders and a senior commander’s wife–but this was kept between these wives and did not spill over into the rest of the FRG or affect anyone’s career.

On the one hand, I think it is important to remember that FRG leaders are unpaid volunteers.  They have demands placed on them from the command structure (who in turn have demands placed on them from their superiors) and the families.  They work the equivalent of a part or full time job for free.  Perhaps this sort of position attracts petty dictators but I would have to imagine that the majority volunteer because they care deeply about the family’s in their soldier’s unit.

The spouses of senior commanders also tend to be older and have more experience as military spouses.  So, it is natural that they have some level of authority within the structure of the FRG–but this should not translate into command authority.

On the other hand, there is no excuse for the sort of nasty behavior alleged in the article.

I think that incidents like these argue for a professionalization of the Family Readiness Group.  There should be Battalion level, paid FRG coordinators for any unit that has received deployment orders.  Volunteers can help with making phone calls, writing articles for the newsletter, running bake sales, etc.

Have you ever encountered a spouse who has “pulled her husband’s rank”? How did you handle it?  How can the military overhaul the FRG structure to make it more professional?  (Please, do not use anyone’s full name in your comments…use pseudonyms or first names only.)

I have been married to my husband for 8 yrs (I am 34 he is 36) and we have a 14 yr old daughter. He had been listed in the Reserves & completed that obligation before we were married but now has decided to go full time duty in the Army. I must say at first I went thru all the emotions of being angry & sad at the thought of him going to Iraq and dying there. I must say, with the words of support from this site I am really trying to not let the death consume my thoughts because death is promised to everyone & no one can avoid it. (But it’s so hard– I keep thinking death could come much sooner b/c of the choice to go into the military) but anyway…. I plan on giving my husband full support with his decision but I have NO clue on what to expect as an Army wife. Past posts suggest other wives may not want to move b/c of a career decision-in my case it’s the opposite. I have been laid off now for almost a year so my job isn’t an issue. The only issue I am having is that our daughter will be in the 10th grade this September and my assumption w/ the Army is that you move from place to place & don’t know how that would affect her (she doesn’t know he is going to enlist yet) My biggest fear is that we won’t be allowed to go w/ him & that we will be apart. Can you please give me some idea of what could happen to newly enlisted private who has a wife and child? Any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated & thank you for having this informative site-it means so much!

Bless you all!

Dear Friend,

First, thank you to your husband for his service in the Reserves.

My children are almost four and two, so hopefully other readers with teens will add their thoughts.

Although my children are very young, I have taught high school.  So, I understand how important “senior year” is to many students.

First, there are a lot of details I do not know and I am not a recruiter.  Your husband needs to speak with his recruiter about his enlistment.  If he has college credits or gets any credit for prior service, that may affect what happens.

I’m going to reply under the assumption that he will need to go to Basic training and then AIT.

My understanding is that enlisted men are usually given a choice to influence either their MOS (their job) or their post.  If he chooses to request certain postings, then you may have a better idea of where you would be moving if you choose to accompany him.

You will not be able to see him during Basic training and will not be able to see him very much, if at all, during AIT. 

Once he completes AIT, he will receive his first “Permanent Change of Station” (PCS).  Most PCS moves are accompanied, which means you will be on his orders.  You will have the option at most places of living on post or off-post, this will vary depending on availability of housing at the post.  If you officially choose to stay where you currently live, your husband will most likely be assigned to barracks housing.  This may also have a financial impact as you will be maintaining your civilian housing but he will not have the housing allowance he would ordinarily draw if he lives off post with you.

Some assignments are unaccompanied tours (primarily at this point these are tours in Korea).  Most likely, however, unless he requests otherwise, his first PCS will be an accompanied tour and you and your daughter are welcome to join him.

When he deploys, of course, you would not be accompanying him.  It is impossible for me to say when, if at all, he will deploy during his active duty service.  It could be as soon as he arrives at his first post or it could be years before he deploys.  Once you have more information about his assignment, you can try to find out some information but be aware this could change at any time.

If your daughter was in 9th grade, I would suggest moving.  If she was in 12th grade, I would suggest staying put.  Since she’s in between, I think a lot depends on your wishes, her input, and the options available to your family.  Some teens who are very happy where they are choose to live with relatives or friends during their final years of high school.  Since your daughter will have two and a half years left of high school, you might not feel comfortable with this.

Although “your mileage may vary”, there is a good chance that your husband will be at the same post for at least the next three years, possibly more.  Therefore, it is likely that your daughter will be able to attend most of her time in high school at the same place.  If, for whatever reason, you do need to move to another post before she graduates, you can feel somewhat comforted by the fact that many other teenagers at her school will be in the same situation.  Near a large military base it is likely they have also moved at some point in their lives and will be sympathetic.

One of the hardest things about the military for the family is the uncertainty.  I can’t tell you whether your husband will stay at his first PCS for three years without deploying or if he will deploy immediately following AIT.  So, I cannot really advise you to move or stay put.

Right now, just focus on supporting him through his training.  Wait until you know his first post and his unit.  And then  you will need to weigh the pros and cons.  There are just too many variables undecided right now.

My gut feeling  is that it is easier to support your soldier if you will be near him. 

“Ask Molly” represents only my opinion and the comments of readers represent their opinions. I draw upon my training as a Family Readiness Group leader, my own experience and that of those I know, and any research I found on the Internet. I am not a trained counselor.

Photo Credit: Laura K. Gibbs

She was born while her Daddy was deployed to Iraq– while he was on his way to Baghdad Airport to come home on leave. He missed her birth and only had two weeks with her before he had to return for the final months of his tour.

He came back, though, and is a loving father to her and her little baby brother (who decided to add something in at the end of the video).

Hope you like my patriotic girl!

Today is a day we remember.

We remember the sacrifice of the warriors who serve.

While my husband was deployed, I tried to focus on the here and now. I kept busy during the day, working, volunteering, nurturing the little life that was inside me.

But I was always conscious of the hour past which the men from the government would not come to my door. I was always grateful to greet the morning without a knock at the door. And then I just had to stay busy for another 12 hours and try not to think about the dangers my husband faced.

Everyone who kisses a loved one goodbye in the morning runs the risk that that person might not return at night. Momento Mori.

Whether or not the actual odds are higher during deployment, there is a conscious decision to place yourself in the path of danger. Duty calls and these men and answer.  And if they and their families pay the ultimate sacrifice, then those warriors are heroes.  They are heroes not just because of what they did in the moments before they died but because of their decision to serve.

Welcome to the TENTH Military Mondays Carnival on Army Wives’ Lives!

*** The only Military Mondays Blog Carnival rules are: ***

• In the “Link Title” field, please place the title of your post, plus the name of your blog and/or your name. (e.g. “Grow Where You Are Planted @Army Wives’ Lives”)
• In the “URL” field, please place the direct “permalink” to the specific post, not to your main page of your blog. (e.g. “http://armywiveslives.com/2009/10/coping-during-deployment/” not “http://ArmyWivesLives.com”)
• Your post must be relevant to the military family experience. I also retain the right to delete links to any posts that contain hate speech, plans to commit illegal acts, or anything that violates the spirit of this carnival or U.S. law.

Please make this a post from sometime in the last month or so.

Need a reminder that the carnival is up? Subscribe to Army Wives Lives by Email and you will get a digest of posts, no more than once a day (probably more like 1-3 times a week) when I post.

Want MORE Army Wives’ Lives? Fan the facebook page!

Want to share more of the FABULOUSNESS that is you? I accept guest posts and post interviews!

Want to share the carnival? Please feel free to grab the code for the button if you are interested:

<a href="http://armywiveslives.com/category/military-mondays-carnival/" target="_BLANK"><img src="http://armywiveslives.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/military-mondays-300x238.jpg" alt="Military Mondays Family and Spouse Carnival at Army Wives' Lives" border=0 /></a>

Without further ado, let’s get to the posts–I hope you’ll participate and visit these wonderful Military Family Bloggers–and feel free to check out previous editions for more great Military Family Posts!

I’m sure you will forgive me once you hear about the drill gremlins, kissing cousins of the deployment gremlins.

Last time it was the thousands of wasps in my dining room.

The first minor catastrophe was my computer screen breaking.  I had a little bit of drama getting that fixed but the main upshot is that getting my work done, let alone blogging, became a bit more complicated.

The far more interesting, and more difficult, incident was when the six year old son of a friend fell off a play structure directly onto my 20 month old baby.

He’s fine.  Breathe.

He was a little upset when it happened but being the mellow little dude he is, he quickly calmed down but indicated that his “kneeeee” hurt.  Instead of taking him to urgent care, I hung out a while longer at the play date, buckled the kids into the car, checked Military Review on my blackberry to see if my husband’s latest article had published (yes!), called the hubby who was on his way to drill to let him know and did not mention the accident (you know you are a military spouse when…), and then took the kids home.

The next day, my baby still wasn’t walking but was pulling himself up. So–and here’s where I win the mother of the year award–NOT! –I took him and his sister to swim lessons.  He proceeded to splash around quite happily.

On the way back, I swung by the doctor’s office because it was Friday and I figured that if it got worse over the weekend, I would have to go to the emergency room.  She concured it was probably just a sprain but, hey, just for laughs, let’s send you over to radiology to make sure it is nothing worse.

To cut a long story less long…eight hours and three co-pays later my darling is wearing a cast for the next three weeks while he heals his “toddler fracture”.

Don’t worry–he’s giggling and running around on the thing like a little peg-legged pirate, trying to earn a matching one on the other leg.