I packed up a miniature Christmas tree, tiny little ornaments, and my best cookie recipe in a Christmas Stocking to send him a little Holiday cheer. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, after all.

Six years and three kids later, we treasure each Holiday we have together.

There are many soldiers who have spent most of their special days apart from their loved ones. You can show appreciation for their sacrifice with a care package or even just a handwritten note. It is a small thing but it may mean the world to a deployed soldier and his family.

Cheerios and the USO have made it even easier to sendCheer with postcards on specially marked boxes of Cheerios.

On the way back one night, the kids fell asleep in the car. So, I popped into Walmart while my husband waited with them.

I searched and searched and even asked at Customer Service but no luck! This Walmart did not have the Cheerios in the specially marked box.

This minor setback turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I was able to go back the next day with my kids! Involving them was much more fun. I told them that we had a special mission to find boxes of Cheerios with a postcard to cut out. I explained that these boxes help sendCheer to soldiers, like Daddy, who are away from their families.

Success! My daughter spotted the boxes and the kids counted out ten.

Uh, oh. I think we need a cart!

Locked and loaded and ready to head for the checkout counter…

The woman at the checkout counter saw the loaded cart and asked if we were making treats. “Yes!” exclaimed the kids, “For the soldiers!” I pointed out the postcard on the box and explained that we were going to send off the card and bake some treats.

Once we loaded up the car, we dropped a few boxes off at friends’ houses so that they can send their own postcards. We are also donating two boxes through my daughter’s school’s food drive.

When we got home, my daughter cut the card off the box and wrote a little note to a soldier.

She wanted to write a longer note but there was just enough room for “thank you!” and some drawings.

After, we baked some treats that we’ll send off in a carepackage.  Cheerios has a great website with recipes.  We decided to make the marshmallow bars and add a little hazelnut spread to the mixture.

My kids were so pleased to have completed their special mission to help soldiers, like Daddy! I told them the story of Daddy’s Christmas Tree in a stocking and now they want to send carepackages to lots of soldiers!

Here’s your mission: Next time you are in your local Walmart, keep an eye out for the special displays of marked packages of Cheerios. Cut out the card and write a little note.  When you drop it in the mail, you’ll sendCheer to a servicemember and General Mills will donate $1 to the USO.

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This post has been compensated as part of a sponsored charitable opportunity for Collective Bias.

(Photo by Mark Abueg)

Involve the Kids

If you have kids, you could have them trace each of their hands on the outside of each of the care package and write their names inside with the date so your soldier can watch them grow every time s/he gets a box. Or you could do the same on a piece of cardstock paper so s/he can collect them throughout the year. Let your kids color their hands with crayons or markers.

New Year’s Care Package Idea

Decorate a box with confetti inside, use glue on the inside of the box and sprinkle glitter, confetti, and ribbons.

Inside: Some party whistles, streamers, horns, Plastic champagne glasses, Sparkling cider (if you package it well, cover with bubble wrap and put inside a plastic bag in case it breaks during shipping), vacuum packaged cheese and crackers, or chips, a cigar, some glow sticks or LED light necklaces.

Valentine’s Day Care Package Idea

Decorate the inside of the box with red or pink paper, glitter, streamers. You could make lipstick kisses on the outside of the box, but just make sure not to use a glossy type of lip shine or lipstick, so it won’t get smeared through postage handling.

Inside: Write a personalized poem just for your soldier. Add an assortment of chocolates, candy hearts, and pictures of you and your kids. You can send a small stuffed animal (remember s/he has to travel home with things you send, so try to keep it to a minimum). A white pillow with a picture of you and/or the kids ironed on so he can sleep with you all every night. If you add perfume to anything, put it in a zip lock baggie to preserve the smell. Make a list of things you love about your soldier. I sent my husband a pair of black boxer shorts with red hearts all over them and I made him my own pairs of underwear. I bought a plain white undies and a pair of white boxer briefs and decorated them myself with glitter glue pens and sent those. I wrote “Property of Mrs. Sosa” on his undies, and “Property of Mr. Sosa” on my undies. I also drew a padlock with glitter. Sorry if that sounds corny. Haha.

Saint Patrick’s Day Care Package Idea:

Decorate the inside of the box with green paper, glitter, etc. Draw shamrocks on the outside of the box.

Inside: Fill with anything and everything green. Green beaded necklaces, (non alcoholic beer if you package well like the champagne bottle above). Confetti poppers, any green candy you can find, one of those plastic St. Patty’s day hats or those shamrock shaped sunglasses.

[I once included mini bars of "Irish Spring" --ed.]

Easter:

Decorate the inside of the box with pastel colors and fill with Easter grass.

Inside: Send your soldier a box full of plastic eggs with candies or special gifts inside, including pictures, notes, and toys. A small stuffed bunny plush that sings a song. And any of their favorite Easter candies, like marshmallow peeps, or jelly beans.

Memorial Day and Mother’s Day:

Decorate the inside of the box with American flags and flowers (drawn on the inside to save money).

Inside: Fill with different pictures of you and/or your kids. Take pictures of your mommy/daddy duties and activities with the kids. Maybe send a list of all the things he gets to do FOR YOU when he gets back since he missed Mother’s Day. You could include Tea bags, and snacks.

Father’s Day:

Have a T-Shirt designed/made with a picture of the kids on the front and back and have it say “World’s Greatest Dad” or “#1 Dad” or whatever you’d like it to say. Include a list of the things you will do FOR HIM when he gets back. Send him his favorite snacks, more pictures, maybe something memorable like a gift with “1st Father’s Day” on it. I’m sure you can get something engraved for him.

Independence Day:

Decorate the inside of the box red, white and blue, with confetti, streamers, etc. (I like those balloon weights with the shiny stuff sticking up…)

Inside: Send him red, white and blue candies, like AIR HEADS (if they still have those around) Red/white/blue beaded necklaces, Send some popcorn packets and cigar, and party poppers, glow sticks, LED lighted necklaces again. Include you and/or your kids dressed in red/white/blue clothes and edit on Photoshop with a Happy 4th of July border.

Halloween:

Decorate the inside of the box orange, black, and purple.

Inside: Fill with cotton spider webs, and plastic spiders, rats, and skeletons. Include candies, suckers, (I sent my husband a small pumpkin that I drew a face carving with permanent marker). Color scary ghosts, pumpkins, haunted house, etc on the outside of the box. Include pictures of you and/or your kids in their Halloween costumes (if they don’t have them yet, since you’ll be sending this box before Halloween to make sure it gets there on time, include pictures of them from last year’s costumes).

Thanksgiving:

Have your kids trace their hand on brown construction paper and let them glue orange and yellow feathers on the fingers to make turkeys. Send him those prepackages summer sausages, cheese and crackers. Peanuts, cashews, popcorn, or peanut brittle. You could also send him some Turkey Vienna sausages in a can. More sparkling cider if it’s packaged well. A list of all the things you are thankful for. A Thanksgiving/Fall smelling candle for a scent of “home”. You could throw a few Fall leaves from where you live, in the box to give him a piece of home too.

Christmas (MY FAVORITE):

Send a small Christmas tree (you can find small decoration types at Walmart or a local Craft Store). Send mini shatter-proof ornaments and garland. Wrap small presents in small gift boxes to give him a miniature Christmas where he is. I got my a Christmas ornament that said “Our First Christmas 2008″, they have new ones every year. Send pictures of you and/or the kids. Pictures of his family maybe holding banners or posters saying Merry Christmas We Miss You on it. You could line the box with cotton to look like snow underneath everything. You could include Hot chocolate or hot apple cider packets in a small Christmas stocking.

If you have kids, you could have them trace each of their hands on the outside of each of the boxes and write their names inside and the date so he can watch them grow every time he gets a box. Or you could do the same on a piece of cardstock paper so he can collect them throughout the year. Let your kids color their hands with crayons or markers.

I also made Fortune Cookies at home and made my own fortunes inside. It was really somewhat tricky to make them because you have to mold them after cooking them, but when they are still soft you put the fortune inside and fold it before it hardens. Basically making one at a time.

Some of the things I sent to my husband on a regular basis, included:

• Cheetos
• Pringles
• Bags of Chips
• Sour Patch Kids
• Vienna Sausages
• Non-Frozen Microwaveable Dinners
• Popcorn packets
• Top Ramen Noodles
• Yahoo! Chocolate Milk Boxes
• Sodas/Energy Drinks (Packaged well)
• Powdered Water Flavoring (like gatorade, crystal light, koolaids)
• Chocolate Puddings
• Candy Necklaces/Bracelets
• Gum/Mints
• Easy Mac-n-Cheese packets
• Beef Jerkey
• Granola Bars
• Energy/Protein Bars
• Any kinds of candy that won’t melt

Birthday:

For my husband’s Birthday, I made him a picture of my body spelling out HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

In every box I would send a different colored balloon. Blow up a balloon and hold the air in with your fingers, then use a permanent marker and write him a letter on the balloon. Then deflate and put it in the box. Tell him he has to blow up the balloon to read the letter.

You can make him a care package for his birthday, including balloons and confetti, party hats for him and his friends, party poppers, and whichever gift you’d like to give him wrapped like a real present.

As for non food items, depending on what he has access to, you can send:

• Deck of cards
• small board games or hand held electronic games
• Word search of crossword puzzle books
• Anything related to his favorite sports teams (I sent my husband a small nerf basketball hoop for his wall in his choo)
• Air Fresheners
• Photo albums
• Disposable cameras for him to take pictures and send back for you to develop and be surprised
• Socks
• Razor Heads
• Underwear
• His favorite soap

—
Heather E. Sosa has been an Army wife since May of 2008 and is now an Army veteran herself. With her husband Joel, she has a daughter named Emmalynn who will be 1, in July of 2011.

When Trooppaws contacted me to ask if I could share their sweet stuffed animal plush puppies, sewn from authentic military uniform fabric, I immediately asked if I could offer one to a reader, instead.

My husband was deployed while I was pregnant with our first child. And, as difficult as that was, not sharing that special experience, the stress after hearing of our daughter’s heart condition, and the early colicky weeks, I cannot compare it to telling children that their beloved father will be gone for an entire year.

Nothing can take the place of a parent or other loved one in a child’s life but offering a special, personalized gift can help ease the anxiety of separation.

The creator of Troopaws explains her inspiration: “The courage of family members left behind is so admirable that my hope is that loved ones find strength and comfort in this personalized keepsake. A portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Folds of Honor Foundation.”

From the website: Each Troop Paws measures 14″ in height and is made of authentic military camouflage. They each are adorned with a gro-grain ribbon bow tie and attached to the neck is a metal logo printed dog tag on a key chain. The filling of the Troop Paws are 100% soft poly hypoallergenic. On the right sleeve is a woven American Flag label. The front of the Troop Paws has a clear pocket which is where the photo of your troop goes. They are proudly made in the USA.

If you would like to enter to win a Trooppaws of your choice, you may enter one or more of the following ways:

1. Leave a comment below with a tip or question about easing deployment fears for family members.
2. Like Troopaws on facebook and Army Wives’ Lives on facebook and leave one, additional, separate comment saying that you did.
3. Share the giveaway on the social network of your choosing. Leave one, additional, separate comment saying that you did and input the URL of what you shared as your website.

Rules/Disclosure: I did not accept any fees or products for offering this giveaway. I am simply choosing to support this small business that supports us. Giveaway ends 11:59 PM EST, July 6, 2011. Winner chosen at random. Prize will ship to US postal addresses, only. Please do not put your e-mail address in the body of your comment. If you leave your address only in the e-mail field, I will be able to see it and spammers will not.

“There are no happy endings, because nothing ends.”
– The Wizard, Schmendrick, from The Last Unicorn

Intact. We use it when “things” are “not broken”, when they are still “working”.  And we use it sometimes to gloss over the hidden fissures…the cracks that deepen under stress and strain.

My husband returned from Iraq on October 31, 2006–four and a half years ago.  His story is his own and not mine to share. But the story of Odysseus’s return is as much Penelope’s as it is his.

My husband, for whom I had waited so many months, came home but he never had a homecoming.  He returned intact but with a crucial piece missing–his men.

During his deployment, my husband successfully led his men through almost daily missions out into the most dangerous areas in and around Baghdad, often coming under enemy fire.  And every time, he brought each and every soldier back with him.

Then, just weeks before he was due to return to the states, another type of duty called from the homefront.  Our infant daughter, who had met once on leave, would need open heart surgery, sooner rather than later.

He had missed the entire pregnancy–having left two days before the blue line showed up on the stick and arriving home on leave 48 hours after her birth.  But for her open heart surgery, I needed him there.

And what does a man of honor do when duty calls simultaneously in two places, thousands of miles apart?

Reluctantly, my husband left Baghdad.

On his return, there were no cheering crowds waiting to greet him, no music, no parades, no comrades in arms.

Just a curb-side pick-up by me and his daughter, who was dressed in the artillery-red outfit I had selected months earlier for the big homecoming celebration that would never happen.

A few days later, we spent his 30th birthday driving to the hospital where a surgeon would cut open our infant daughter’s chest and give us the gift of hope.

We had every blessing in our prayers.

A few weeks later my husband went to the homecoming that should have been his and welcomed each of his men come home.

My husband is everything I ever could have dreamed of in a partner. He is a loving and involved father. Our daughter’s heart was repaired successfully.

And this is the part where we pick-up right where we left off and ride happily off into the sunset.  Except life never is that way, exactly, is it?

The storybooks don’t tell you what happens after the happy couple reunites.

We’re supposed to be so very happy just to be alive.  And of course we are.  And of course we never forget those who have no reunion.  And that just adds to the guilt when what you feel is happy, yes, but also…complicated.

We had been through everything together, except… Except, when I couldn’t sleep or clean or eat because I was afraid my daughter’s colic would stop her heart, I was alone.  Except, when he was maneuvering his convoy around IEDs and facing death every day, it was his men who were there for him, not his wife.  When I was learning to be a parent, when he was becoming a leader in the truest sense, we were thousands of miles apart.

Gradually, we worked together to build our new life together and learn about each other again–as people, as parents, as partners.  We had misunderstandings and miscommunications. We had celebrations. We had crises. We had victories.

He left active duty to return to his legal career and joined the National Guard. We moved back to New York.  We had another child.  And now, soon, a third.

Our hero was home, and in one piece. Our daughter’s body healed, functioning but without a pulmonary valve. Our family remains together.  We are intact.

We are surviving, even thriving, but there is no happily ever after to the tale.  There’s just life, lived one day at a time…sometimes with sorrow but mostly with joy.

Many of The UPS Store locations have Sunday hours. Last day to ship is Monday, January 31st!

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Disclaimer: On NaturallyEducational.com, I am a paid The UPS Store Lovin’ Logistics ambassador. I am not being paid to share this with you on Army Wives’ Lives–I just think it is neat!

My understanding is that all military personnel must have a working family care plan, whether or not a deployment is imminent.

As much as I feel for a single mother trying to take care of her family and serve her country, I suspect there is more to this story.

In this AP article, a spokesperson for the Army claims that “he did not know what Specialist Hutchinson was told by her commanders but that the Army would not deploy a single parent who had nobody to care for a child.” The article quotes him as saying, “If she would have come to the deployment terminal with her child, there’s no question she would not have been deployed.”

Thougths?

Photo: AP

In a time of war, our veterans may find they have difficulty re-entering the society they fought to protect.

One of the things that struck me is that Veterans Day may be more about us (the society) than them (the Veterans).  It makes sense for the survivors to honor the fallen during Memorial Day but why is Veterans Day also celebrated with a parade in which we have servicemembers march?  Is it really for the vets or is it so we can have public symbol that assures us we are honoring them and perhaps protects us from having to ask and attempt to answer the deeper questions. Questions about honor, duty, and the nature of war.

I’m also reminded of an essay I read a while ago, “On Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs” (From On Combat, by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman).  The old link does not seem to work but I found it here:

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen: a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath–a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? Then you are a sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero’s path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed. [...]

The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed. The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours.

Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. [...]

Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.

The whole thing is worth a read. And it brings up the question of how we treat our warriors who protect us from the wolves.  A fallen warrior is given full honors.  What about those who return?  How can we treat them as more than just an inconvenient reminder of the violence in the world we’d rather forget?  How can we truly show our appreciation to the living heroes?

Photo: Paul Keleher

I need some help from all you other army wives out there… When I got told that being an army wife was one of the hardest jobs in the military, I didn’t really believe it. That is until I married my husband! I now have a new respect for all the women that have been doing this for years. I myself am a newly wed. Yep, as of October 2nd this year! But being away from him for these long periods of time is KILLING me. So can anyone make a few suggestions as to how I can start to deal with this a little bit better? I’m pretty lost. I think I’d really love an answer from anybody willing to give me ANY kind of suggestion! THANX!!!

Whether you are moving to a new country, an isolated posting, or your service member is deploying, I advise you to “grow where you are planted“.

Get involved, get busy.  Or, as Tim Gunn says, “make it work“.

Reach out to other military spouses. Find deployment support groups, try the FRG, volunteer on post.  Most posts have a community center where you will find postings for groups, classes, seminars and events.

You can also find other spouses online on military spouse community sites and bulletin boards.  And head online to meet people locally, too.  I’ve used meet-up to find kindred spirits.

Get involved in the community off post, too. Find things that interest you. Join clubs, take classes, get a job (if you don’t already have one), volunteer, go to concerts, etc.  Whatever your hobby or passion, you can find kindred spirits. Even in the smallest, most isolated post, you will find people making art, playing music, enjoying conversation, learning and living.

Consider your spiritual life.  If you are religious, this may be a good time to deepen your connection with your faith-based community.  If you are not religious, seek out other sources of positive energy for you.  This can be as simple as keeping a 10 minute “tea time” for yourself every day.

Stay away from negative people and drama that saps your energy. Focus on activities that give you strength and enjoyment.

This helps the days pass quicker and also gives you things to talk about with your spouse.  When you reunite, you will be glad that you also had new experiences that challenged you and helped you grow as a person.

At home, alone, at night, though, I find can be particularly lonely. I would use this time to write letters to my husband and put together care packages. This way I was doing something positive for him and our relationship.

I’d never say it is easy, but if you approach deployment with a positive attitude, you’ll find it goes quicker and easier!

What are your tips for making the time apart pass more quickly?

Photo credit: Seedling

Happy Veterans’ Day! I just found your blog and I was wondering if there are directions to making a military family binder, something that would include military records, important numbers, deployments, LES, or anything you can think of. My husband is an Army Reservist and I think this could be very helpful.

First of all, Happy Veterans’ Day to you, too! Thank you and your husband for serving!

You did not mention if your husband has been activated in anticipation of a deployment. Regardless, there are some things that every military family should have in a binder. And, really, with a few modifications, this is something that would be useful to any family, military or not.

When my husband deployed, we distributed a deployment checklist of documents and other information that the spouses should have at hand. I googled “deployment checklist” and found a few that may prove helpful. You should of course modify to suit your own situation:

• Deployment Checklist #1
• Deployment Checklist #2 (and the same Checklist as an html webpage instead of .pdf)
• USAA Family Readiness Deployment Guide
• Military One Source – Reservist Deployment Page

In general, USAA and MilitaryOneSource are great sources for all sorts of military-friendly planning.

You should always know your husband’s unit and have the Red Cross contact information available should you need to contact him in an emergency. I would also like to highlight the Power of Attorney. A general POA (one that enumerates several areas in which your spouse may act for you, such as finances, health decisions, etc.) can be useful, but you need to remember that there is no obligation to accept a power of attorney–if you anticipate needing one, you should contact the relevant bank or other company or military office to make sure you have the correct form.

Couples with children should also be aware of laws that apply to getting passports, enrolling in schools, etc. In some cases, you may need permission from both parents to travel out of country with children.

Hope this helps!

Photo Credit My to do list

When DH was active duty, I always felt uncomfortable blogging about his absence while he was on field exercises…yet, I blogged about his deployment while he was gone.

It does not make a ton of sense, but I think part of it was the fact that there was no way to avoid the issue of his deployment on a Military Spouse blog and another part was, living in Killeen, it wouldn’t be that hard for someone to figure out whose spouse was gone anyway. So, blogging about the deployment, on an anonymous blog, didn’t seem to add significantly to the safety risk.

Since then, I’ve started a number of other online projects that are connected with my real name. And people who know me in real life have discovered this blog (and that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms).

DH has left Active Duty, but is still in the National Guard.

Suddenly, when he leaves, I feel exposed.

This time, I feel comfortable blogging about his absense because I’ll have family visiting. He’s headed off to Captain’s Career Course in preparation for taking command this summer. But generally, if he will be gone overnight, I just don’t say anything.

How about you? What are your thoughts and comfort level on this topic?

Photo Credit: Shush