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Real Military Spouses Know the Meaning of “Community”

Aug. 30 Featured, Military Spouse, Sponsored, Support Comments Off

If there is one thing I know about this wild journey as a military spouse, it is that I could never have done it alone.

When my husband took that bus ride to Basic Training in Fort Benning back in 2003, I felt so very alone. Here I was, in New York, surrounded by friends and family, at the start of a fulfilling career in teaching and I could barely sleepwalk through my day. What would my life be like? What was expected of me? What would I do? Could I keep working? Would I be able to do this…any of this?

So, I turned to what would soon be called “social media and networking”. I joined discussion boards and I found people like Katy Jane (aka Mommy CPA) and Homefront Six and so many others who I still chat with on Facebook almost a decade later.

My journey brought me to Fort Hood where I met the women who would stand by me and yes, sometimes even carry me, through the next four years. These are the women who would join me on my quest to find the best Thai food in Central Texas, select the perfect gown for the military balls, cry with me through deployment, swim with me while I did handstands in the pool at 38 weeks pregnant to try to turn the baby, and even drive me to the hospital when my water broke at 3 a.m.

During this time, I started this blog, my first blog, about the Military Spouse Experience, the “Army Wife Life”, before I ever knew there was such a thing as blogger communities, before I ever knew I would one day be paid to blog.

How much easier would this all have been if I had women like Krystel, publishing tips and telling it like it is on Army Wife 101 and RealMilitaryWives.TV, and Traci, sharing guidance for FRG leaders along with her personal journey on Fabulous Army Life.

To this day, it is these women I turn to when I need to know just about anything…from the mundane (how do I get stains out of my daughter’s tutu?), to the frivolous (does this dress hide my mommy belly?), to the essential (how do I get in touch with my husband during an emergency?). These are the women who will reassure me that if we’ve been through a deployment, we can do anything. And they are also the same women who will tell me that, um, maybe I need a new shade of make-up that doesn’t make me look like a ghost.

This is what Word of Mouth Marketing is about–real people, giving real advice. This is my Circle of Influencers…these are my friends.

As a part of the BlogFrog Influencer Circle, I have the chance to create meaningful, authentic content for brands I love. If you’re a blogger interested in new opportunities, join BlogFrog’s Influencer Circle and check out some of the top brands already working with BlogFrog.

If you’re a brand looking to work with online influencers, learn more about BlogFrog’s Brand Solutions here.

Now, I’m curious. What do you love most about blogs and blogging? How does social media and the connections you’ve made enrich your life?

This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of BlogFrog. The opinions and text are all mine.

Casualty Notification is a Sacred Duty — Not a Facebook Poke

Apr. 20 Deployment, Featured, Military Life, Military Spouse, news 2 comments

As a military spouse, I spent my husband’s deployment terrified that I would see the black sedan drive down my street or that there would be a knock on the door and I would open it to find a chaplain and a casualty notification officer.

At least I could lay down some of the burden at night–there is a window during which notifications are made. This may seem like a trivial thing if you haven’t spent a year on edge but, trust me, it is some small solace to know you will not be woken or startled at 3am by a phone call or a knock on a door.

That is, unless, another soldier or family member takes it upon him or herself to text message you or notify you via Facebook.

What a horrible thing to do to a military family member!

While it is true that no form of notification can bring the soldier back to life, casualty notification procedures are in place for a reason.

  • The procedures ensure no false notifications. By notifying someone independently, you have disrupted the entire system and created an environment where rumors thrive.
  • You do not know how someone will react to the shock. Fainting, going on a rampage, driving off the road–these are all plausible responses to casualty notification. Let the trained professionals be there to handle it.
  • How someone finds out may affect long-term processing of the grief. People always remember where they were when they found out big news. The ceremony and respect of the official notification system, and the support that the military immediately offers, may ultimately help the family member process the grief. Maybe you do not buy this but it is NOT your call. You do NOT get to take that away from these families.

When a soldier is catastrophically injured or killed in action, his base is supposed to go on communications black-out. There should be a total lock-down of all telephone and Internet signals. And all soldiers and family members should know not to discuss casualties prior to official notification of the next of kin.

Yes, we all knew when someone had been killed in action when no one had any calls that night. Yes, the waiting was tense. However, that is a small price to pay to know that the proper respect will be paid to a fallen hero and his family. We owe our brothers and sisters in waiting at least that much.

(DoD photo by Senior Master Sgt. David H. Lipp)

Army Wives Fans: Win 1 of 2 Kindle Fires!

Mar. 01 Contests, Featured 370 comments

Are you excited about the premier of Army Wives, Season 6 on Sunday, March 4th at 9/8c?

Kind of gives you the chills, doesn’t it?

Lifetime is offering TWO of my readers each a Kindle Fire (ARV $199) with a branded Army Wives cover.

So. Cool. In fact, I am totally jealous because I don’t own any e-reader or tablet!

Ready for the details on how to enter to win?

You can enter in any or all of the following ways. Leave a separate comment for each entry because I will be choosing at random from the comments:

  • Leave a comment about the show. Suggested topics: to which wife do you relate to best and why? what are you most interested in seeing this new season? what is a favorite moment from the show? (Enter up to once, daily. 14 total possible entries.)
  • Share this contest on any public site where you are allowed to do so. Leave the permalink of your tweet, blog post, etc. in the website field of your comment. (Enter up to once, daily. 14 total possible entries.)
  • Join the Army Wives’ Lives Community (you can use a BlogFrog or Facebook login) and start a new discussion. Leave the title of that discussion in your comment on this post. (Enter up to once, daily. 14 total possible entries.)
  • Comment on someone else’s discussion in the Army Wives’ Lives Community. Leave the title of that discussion in your comment on this post. (Enter up to once, daily. 14 total possible entries.)

Rules: Please leave a separate comment for each of your entries. Giveaway ends 11:59 PM EST on March 14. Prize ships to US addresses only. Prize is provided and shipped by Lifetime. Army Wives’ Lives accepts no liability related to this contest. We reserve the right to reject and delete any entries that are not in the spirit of the giveaway at our sole discretion. Winner is chosen, using random.org, from valid entries.

Are You a Brave Woman?

Dec. 09 Charities 7 comments

If he ever hit me, I would leave.

It seems very simple to say as a woman in a healthy relationship with a loving man who is a great father to our children.

But there are brave, smart, and strong women who find themselves in unhealthy relationships. They need to summon a special kind of courage to get the help they need.

When you are in an abusive relationship, you know you need to leave. Actually taking that step can be more complicated. Maybe your partner has threatened you or the children if you leave or threatened to harm himself. In the military, if you prosecute, you might worry how a conviction will affect his career and his ability to pay child support. You might worry about custody of the kids. Your religious convictions might make it harder to separate. You may have nowhere to go.

A woman who is working up the courage to make a change is a brave woman. And they can do it with our support. They need to know that they are brave, that there is help available, and that there is life after abuse.

They need to know there are places to go. Places like the domestic abuse shelter for which my moms’ group collects items. Imagine finding yourself in a shelter where you rely on the generosity of strangers so you and your children have basic hygiene items?

And ending the abuse starts with creating a culture. That’s why I donated some pro-bono hours to revise the curriculum the domestic abuse shelter brings into schools. That’s why our advisory board selected Violence Unsilenced as one of the 2010 Bloganthropy Award Finalists.

What would you do today if you were brave?

I know the women who read this site understand the meaning of courage.

I have been brave enough to smile as I waved goodbye to my deploying husband. And I have been brave enough to hand my first baby over for heart surgery.

If I were truly brave today, I might tell you about my personal brush with relationship violence, now long in my past. I’m not sure I’m that brave, yet.

It takes a brave woman to say that violence is unacceptable in a loving relationship. To break the uncomfortable silence and say to a friend, “Do you need to talk?” and then to really listen.

We can watch out for our sisters and be vigilant for signs of violence–and then help these women to be as brave as we know they are.

You can take the Brave Woman pledge and make your voice counted among those who stand up to violence:

I pledge to honor and respect brave women and children who tackle the difficult journey of change from domestic violence to a new life. I acknowledge my own moment-by-moment bravery, will remain aware of what is happening to others around me, and speak up against violence in any form. I will stand up for human dignity and safety for women and children.

You can also show your support on twitter @Brave_Woman and on their Facebook page. You never know who might gain courage from seeing that retweet or Facebook post.

Please join voices with Brave Women everywhere during a #BraveWoman twitter chat on December 19, from 1-2pm.

Abuse is often a cycle. Children who are abused or witness abuse are more likely to perpetuate the violence. So where does it end? How about right here? With us.

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Disclosure: This post has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for CollectiveBias #CBias. All opinions are my own.

Let’s sendCheer to the Military!

Nov. 22 Charities, Deployment, Featured, Sponsored 3 comments

My husband deployed at the beginning of December in 2005. Although we did not realize it at that time, I was pregnant with our first child.

I packed up a miniature Christmas tree, tiny little ornaments, and my best cookie recipe in a Christmas Stocking to send him a little Holiday cheer. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, after all.

Six years and three kids later, we treasure each Holiday we have together.

There are many soldiers who have spent most of their special days apart from their loved ones. You can show appreciation for their sacrifice with a care package or even just a handwritten note. It is a small thing but it may mean the world to a deployed soldier and his family.

Cheerios and the USO have made it even easier to sendCheer with postcards on specially marked boxes of Cheerios.

On the way back one night, the kids fell asleep in the car. So, I popped into Walmart while my husband waited with them.

I searched and searched and even asked at Customer Service but no luck! This Walmart did not have the Cheerios in the specially marked box.

This minor setback turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I was able to go back the next day with my kids! Involving them was much more fun. I told them that we had a special mission to find boxes of Cheerios with a postcard to cut out. I explained that these boxes help sendCheer to soldiers, like Daddy, who are away from their families.

Success! My daughter spotted the boxes and the kids counted out ten.

Uh, oh. I think we need a cart!

Locked and loaded and ready to head for the checkout counter…

The woman at the checkout counter saw the loaded cart and asked if we were making treats. “Yes!” exclaimed the kids, “For the soldiers!” I pointed out the postcard on the box and explained that we were going to send off the card and bake some treats.

Once we loaded up the car, we dropped a few boxes off at friends’ houses so that they can send their own postcards. We are also donating two boxes through my daughter’s school’s food drive.

When we got home, my daughter cut the card off the box and wrote a little note to a soldier.

She wanted to write a longer note but there was just enough room for “thank you!” and some drawings.

After, we baked some treats that we’ll send off in a carepackage.  Cheerios has a great website with recipes.  We decided to make the marshmallow bars and add a little hazelnut spread to the mixture.

My kids were so pleased to have completed their special mission to help soldiers, like Daddy! I told them the story of Daddy’s Christmas Tree in a stocking and now they want to send carepackages to lots of soldiers!

Here’s your mission: Next time you are in your local Walmart, keep an eye out for the special displays of marked packages of Cheerios. Cut out the card and write a little note.  When you drop it in the mail, you’ll sendCheer to a servicemember and General Mills will donate $1 to the USO.

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This post has been compensated as part of a sponsored charitable opportunity for Collective Bias.

sendCheer to the Military

Nov. 18 Charities, Featured, Sponsored, Support 3 comments

Growing up in New York, military service seemed a thing of the past: faded sepia-tinged photos of grandfathers in uniform, History Channel specials on the battles of World War II, and quaint propaganda posters urging apple-cheeked children to recycle tin cans.

Never would I have imagined that I would find myself married to an officer in the U.S. Army.

And yet, there I was.  One minute I was living in Manhattan, married to a lawyer at one of the top firms in New York City, and the next I found myself trying to find a decent Italian place near Fort Hood, Texas.

Once I got over the shock, I dove right in. I’d like to say it was altruistic but really it was a way to get my bearings. By volunteering as a Family Readiness Group leader and pitching in as part of various committees on post, I got a crash course on being part of the military family.

And that love returned to us many times over. While my husband was deployed to Iraq, he received hundreds of postcards and care packages. While a letter may seem like a small thing, knowing that people back at home appreciate you keeps many of our servicemembers going. Five years later, my husband still keeps a binder of each and every letter he received.

We are back in New York and my husband has returned to his law career. He still serves in the National Guard and we do what we can to return a small fraction of the support we received while he was active duty. Whether the kids are stuffing backpacks with their friends for the children of enlisted servicemembers or baking cookies and making Valentines or Veteran’s Day cards for our local veterans, we are grateful for the men and women of our military, past and present.

Cheerios has asked me to share how easy they have made it to “sendCheer” to military families as part of a partnership with the USO. All you have to do is cut out and mail postcards from specially marked Cheerios boxes. A military servicemember will get your thoughtful note and Cheerios will donate $1 for each card to the USO.

I want you to know that your recognition of those who serve is appreciated. A box of cookies, a package of toiletries, even a simple note reminds our warriors why they fight.

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Disclosure: This post has been compensated as part of a sponsored charitable opportunity for Collective Bias.

Military Moms Are My Heroes

Oct. 25 Featured, Military Life, Military Spouse, Sponsored 1 comment

“Is Daddy coming home?”

My husband is off on a month-long National Guard drill and “Is Daddy coming home tonight?” became, “When is Daddy coming home?”, and eventually transformed into, “Is Daddy coming home?” Asked at least 20 times each day by my two eldest.

The last time my husband was gone this long, he was deployed to Iraq for a year. He missed our entire first pregnancy, the birth, and most of the first three months of our first child’s life. At the time, people said, “I don’t know how you do it!”

But all of that is nothing compared to explaining to young children why Daddy is not there to cheer for them, to dry their tears, to lift them up. Even a month is challenging–I can barely imagine the fortitude required to guide children through a year-long deployment.

Although I know that you find the strength you need, I really admire the resourcefulness, the strength, and the love of military moms.

They cheerfully put up the countdown calendars and mask their own uncertainty.

They reassure their children and swallow their own fears.

They do bath night and homework help and garbage night. And then, after they get the children to bed, they clean the house and pay the bills and fix the toilet.

They are the provider, the nurturer, the disciplinarian, and the cornerstone of consistency the children need.

It is a duty I pray I never have to fulfill but I hope, if I do, I do it half as well as the moms I have had the honor to call my friends.

Military Moms aren’t just married to heroes. They are heroes!

Photo by FamilyMWR

Every Mom is a hero. Share your story.

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Disclosure: This is post is Sponsored by Allstate. The opinions expressed here are strictly my own. Official Contest Rules

When it Gets Tough

Oct. 07 Featured, Military Life 4 comments

My husband is on a month long drill and this morning my three year old woke up screaming that “Daddy is downstairs! Let me go downstairs! I want to see Daddy!” When I finally calmed him down, he asked, “Is Daddy coming home tonight?”

Cue the sound of my heart breaking.

At least Daddy is coming home. And at least he is coming home in a couple of weeks. And at least he is not overseas.

How do you answer the questions when Mommy or Daddy is gone on a long drill or a deployment? How do you handle the meltdowns? How do you keep them looking forward to the homecoming without making the days seem overwhelming?

(Photo: U.S. Air Force/Justin Connaher)

Enter to Win An Ultimate Fan DVD Prize Pack: Army Wives: Seasons 1-5!

Sep. 22 Contests, Featured, Military Spouse 121 comments

Army Wives: The Complete Fifth Season is available on DVD starting Sept. 27 and I have a giveaway for you courtesy of Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment’s ABC TV on DVD!

Army Wives: The Complete Fifth Season (Release Date: September 27)
This exciting DVD debut showcases each emotional moment from the lives of the military families at Fort Marshall, SC in the riveting fifth season. The women’s friendships continue to grow stronger as they band together through their most difficult challenges yet, including life with a newborn, career changes and the tragic loss of a loved one. This collective release allows fans to own every heartfelt episode, plus never-before-seen bonus features.

DVD Bonus Features Include: “Hangin’ At The Hump: A Candid Conversation With The Cast of Army Wives” – The cast of Army Wives participate in a roundtable conversation where they share their thoughts, experiences and the impact the show has had on them, the community and real Army Wives.

Giveaway Prize: One Army Wives Ultimate Fan DVD Prize Pack: Seasons 1-5

To Enter: You may enter any or all of the following ways and you may do so up to once a day for a total of 1-12 possible entries. For each entry, you MUST leave a separate comment on THIS POST as I will be drawing the winner from the comments.

  • Leave a comment on this post letting me know a moment from Army Wives that really spoke to you.
  • Share the giveaway on any social network where you are allowed to do so.

Prize will ship to US only. Giveaway ends September 27, 11:59 PM EST.

Rock You Like a Hurricane: National Guard Duty Calls

Aug. 27 Featured, Military Life, Military Spouse 1 comment

My husband was supposed to have National Guard Drill this weekend.  They cancelled it because the public transportation has all been shut down in the New York Metro Area due to Hurricane Irene and many soldiers rely on public transportation to get to drill.

So, we were excited to have him home all day on Saturday.  An hour ago, he received a call that he is being activated to help with the emergency efforts.

We are, ourselves, directly in Hurricane Irene’s path.  At this point, it looks like a weak category 1 hurricane will hit mid-Long Island sometime tomorrow morning. If it hits around 8am, the South Shore will have high tide.  If it hits closer to 11am, the North Shore will have high tide.

I am about a mile away from the beach and the low-lying areas in my village have been evacuated.  We’re up on a hill, though, so we will most likely be fine.  My parents are visiting so I will have help with the kids.

We may be incommunicado for a few days but I will try to send out smoke signals after the hurricane passes, when I can, to let everyone know we are okay.

Stay safe, everyone!